Ray the Wise

No way! Now ain't this a small world, a fellow Glendalaño! Maybe you'll be able to confirm that I've got this huge garage with lots of cars in it. A lot of people here don't believe that.

Pizza ingredients, I guess. Cheese. Tomato sauce. Crust. And then, whatever you want to put on it. I usually have them put tuna on mine. That probably explains the earlier reference to OH DEAR GOD I'VE SAID TOO MUCH! Forget this. Forget everything.

Obviously you're not Obama. He wouldn't be talking about himself in the third person. Which is a behavior that I never engage in either. You think Herman Cain is going to be the GOP candidate? I gotta say, I love his friggin' pizzas, they taste like there's an orgy of 1980s female porn stars in my mouth. Remember when there weren't no Interwebs and you had to fulfill your filthy material needs by purchasing video tapes, in weird, dark, smelly stores? ...Well, me neither. But you get my point. Godfather's Pizza makes good pizza. Too bad they had to play on the Italian gangster stereotype to name their store chain.

Frankie Boyle being that cursing Scottsman? Ah, yes, I know him.

I'm Ray. But you knew that already. I live in the Greater Los Angeles area. I'm rich, but slightly less rich than filthy rich, which means I can afford to possess many vehicles, but none of them are new. Or a Lamborghini. But hey, I can live with that. I like to collect gadgets and prototypes that have very few uses but which are great conversation starters. I believe I already told you that I own the Zamboni Impala from that whatchamacallit show with Jesse James. I also have a discarded Samsung prototype microwave oven with a built-in laserdisc player (Man, weren't the 90s great?). That and a couple of other odd things - I bet I could open a museum. Apart from that, I played the President of the United States in the C&C Red Alert 2 cutscenes. Man, those were fun times... apart maybe from having Udo Kier walk around the set in ladies' underwear. That guy just freaked me out... but then again, so do most Germans. When I think about Germans, I always think about that fat kid screaming at his computer, and that gives me the creeps. Him and that other fat kid from the Simpsons who won't stop eating candy and pastries. Can't stand him. Barry Corbin and me really hit it off though. He once brought a rifle to the set and we'd go outside and shoot pigeons between takes. But then we accidentally shot Kari Wührer's Mustang and she got extremely pissed at us... Heh, fun times anyway.

I tried to petition my city council so that they'd make the tornado sirens play this song: They refused. Of course. Nevermind all the media buzz and tourism this would have generated. That's what you get for thinking outside the box.

Thought I'd make an offtopic post of my own and ask what vehicles you people drive. Here's what's in my garage (Yes, there's a lot, I've got a huge garage and I hate empty space) -2004 Chrysler 300M: That'd be my day-to-day car. I do enjoy it, it's a fairly great ride, but I wish I had waited just a year more to get my hands on a 300C instead. That thing looks like a goddamn tank, with a big shiny grille that says "I'll cut you!" . My 300M feels more like a late-gen New Yorker after a trip to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Meh, it ought to break down before long, it's a Chrysler after all, and then I'll get my hands on a sweet new 300C... but then again, seems like they've already changed the design this year, so I'm pretty much screwed unless I buy it secondhand. -1996 Lincoln Mark VIII: That thing is a f***ing modern world wonder. I love it. It's like driving a jet fighter, like an F-16 or some s***, only you don't have to wear an anti-G suit and a helmet. And it doesn't carry bombs. Nor missiles. Nor guns. Hey but it does have a radar jammer, shhhh though -1999 Cadillac Escalade: That's right! '99! The year where the 'Lade was just a Yukon Denali on which they slapped a Cadillac logo and added more cupholders and fake wood trim. At least back then it still wasn't known as the official means of transportation for hip-hop stars, so when I drive it around town, people don't stare at it, thinking P-Diddy or 2pac is going to pop out. Yeah, 2pac. Some idiots think he's still alive - obviously the same idiots who keep buying the "new" Pac CDs that are obvious remixes of old songs, with T-Pain or Akon dubbed over them. -1992 Chevy Corvette: I bought this car secondhand while on a trip to Arizona a couple years ago. It was parked in front of Denny's with a "For Sale" sign. You've gotta know that in the early 90's, I was really into driving games on my DOS PC, especially the first Test Drive as well as Vette!, so I figured, "Holy s***, what other chances will I ever get to own one of those things?" (Plenty, it turned out, after I read the classifieds in the LA Times, but hey, I fell in love with the damn thing, ok?) So it turns out the tail lights were busted (they still are, too lazy to fix them) and the muffler needs a serious tune-up, but at least I own a friggin' red Vette and I'm proud of it. -Remember Monster Garage? That show with the douchebag who ended up cheating on Sandra Bullock? Remember that episode where they turned a '94 Impala SS into a Zamboni? Well I bought that. Not that it has any use these days, it's obviously ruined as a street vehicle, and I don't own any indoor ice rink (yet!). Great conversation starter, though... I almost also bought that pickup truck they built in one episode to shake down nuts from trees, but I got outbid on this one. Hope you're happy with yourself, James Woods! I'll see you in hell! -2003 Ford Excursion: I nicknamed that one "Bob", and it's my only car with a nickname for some reason. Go figure. It's not even a car, it's a huge monstrosity, and I had it fitted with custom shocks and springs so that makes it even scarier. I'll usually take this one for a drive when the 300M is parked behing another car in my garage and I don't feel like moving that car away first. I'll also use it when I go cruising the trails or beaches and want to attract hot babes by wearing my most expensive pair of Ray Bans and using cheesy pick-up lines. Actually, I keep that pair in the Excursion all the time. and finally, -1998 Jaguar XKR: I guess you could call this one my actual "star car", although it's getting a bit old. Meh, it's not as if I was Seth Rogen or Dustin Hoffman, right? I can afford to drive something that's not old enough to be a classic, but not recent enough to be hot and trendy. Besides, if you knew what that hunk of british junk cost me when I bought it back in '98, you too would consider it a long-term investment. Besides, I barely ever use it, I think it has around 25k miles on the counter or something. If I sold it on Ebay and said it belonged to me, there's a chance I could get up to 75% of my investment back. Not bad for a 12 years old car.

That's the issue! I used the repair option numerous times, I even reinstalled the game twice, to no avail. The fact of the matter is, I accidentally something in the registry about that file and now "Vbase71.dll", even after a clean install. Also, circumstance emoticon:

I see your point, I did actually try that. But see, the issue is that I accidentally the file from the whole registry. So popping in the CD won't help.

I accidentally a file called "Vbase71.dll". The whole file! And now my game won't even start up. It gives me some kind of weird error message written in German. I'll tell you what, when I read something written in German, I always hear it in my head as someone shouting. Not that I understand what it means anyway... Is this bad? I swear to God, I've only had problems with this stupid software ever since all the hype you boys generate here made me buy it. Shame on you.

Fair enough. You can close this topic then. I just booked a flight departing LAX for Taipei Taoyuan airport in about two hours. I'll make sure to tell those swindlers at Ch?ojí húch? Web Money Services how eager you were to see them taste some Ray Wise justice.

Seriously? You people saw that picture, so it isn't just me and my mexican herbs of joy. C'mon. And Voodooman, I know formatting my hard drive will not fix my problem. For your information, those "strange leaves" as you call them are bamboo leaves. That's right. Bamboo. Never seen that in your life, have you? Now could someone please provide me with serious help? Or am I going to have to give some bruises to some people over in Taiwan?

So I thought I'd buy that "9-1-1: Responding" game you guys seem to enjoy so much, just to see what all the hype was about. Five minutes into the game, I realize that something is seriously messed up. Aren't the fire engines supposed to be red or something instead of green? See the attached picture below. I've got the best computer money can buy (at least that's what the salesperson at Best Buy told me, and he seemed like a kid I could trust), and all my monitors, peripherals, cables, modems and whatnot are plugged in properly. I tried screwing around with my monitor color settings but it just made it worse, so I doubt that's the issue. Please help me, or I'm about to tear a new one to that online retailer. I hear their servers are in Taiwan. I can go there and I will if needed.

Screw Nvidia, get a card with a manly name: Matrox. When I hear that name, I think of bald eagles soaring over an open mud field where Hulk Hogan, Tom Selleck, Nick Nolte and Dale Earnhardt Sr. are firing assault rifles and driving bigfoots while they're fighting rabid wolves and grizzlies for a truckload of bacon. That's how manly those Matrox cards are.

Here's a Cruise. I used to be neighbors with that guy, we'd sometimes meet when we went out to get our mail and chat a bit. He told me that Scientology has satellites with lasers that'll find you and chop your head off if you speak ill of them. I doubt that's even remotely true but I try to watch myself, just to be on the safe side, you know. Apart from that, he was pretty good in Top Gun. Valkyrie wasn't bad either. -Ray